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Submitted by: Cynthia L. Price
Even in the unlimited vastness of the universe, worlds have been colliding ever since the Big Bang.
The fact is new worlds were also spawned by the big bang of your divorce, but our planet is just not big enough to keep them from coming into contact with debris and cherished fragments of the worlds we left behind.
Children, grandchildren, mutual friends and common stomping grounds will inevitably bring you and your new girlfriend into contact with your ex-wife.
There will always be community events or family gatherings that wont be complete without both you and your ex in attendance, so its best to do all you can to make it cordial instead of awkward.
Make sure your have the diplomatic aplomb to handle the introduction.
1. Just do it.
These are two of the most important women from your life, so just face the music and bring them together for a short and sweet introduction.
Depending on the circumstances, you may want to ask your girlfriend to wait a moment while you greet your wife and bring her over for the introduction.
That way, they will both be prepared for the important meeting, and your ex wont feel ambushed, as she might if she turns and is suddenly facing the two of you.
If your wife does not have a boyfriend or new husband, you may want to take a somewhat neutral position between them as you make the introduction.
It could be awkward for your girl if she meets your former wife while wrapped in your embrace.
Both women have a lot of reasons to feel awkward or ill-at-ease, so dont make it more difficult.
2. Introduce your ex first.
Say something nice or interesting about each one as you introduce her.
Introduce your ex-wife to your girlfriend first: Emily, this is Dolores. Shes the choir director at our church, and her son went to school with our David.
This side of the introduction should be dispassionate and informational, and try to establish some favorable common ground or link if possible.
The other side of the introduction might be a bit more glowing, especially if your ex-wife is the hostess.
She may fear youve told your lady your side of all the horror stories of your marriage, so be kind.
Dolores, this is Emily, the wind beneath my wings for 22 years. She teaches middle school and still finds time to decorate and take care of this big house. Be sure you try her homemade amaretto cheesecake its the worlds best!
3. Prep your girlfriend.
If you know the meeting is coming up, be sure to talk with your girlfriend about the introduction.
For the sake of kids, family and friends, you need to establish a comfortable foundation for an interaction that will probably recur many times in the future.
Certainly there were many good and wonderful things you shared with your ex over many years and many abilities and accomplishments of hers both of you are proud of.
Tell your girl about the painting above the fireplace your wife painted several years ago, her collection of teacups from around the world, or the fact she went back to school and got her masters degree after your divorce.
Then, after they have met, your girlfriend can compliment her on an achievement, which tells your ex-wife you still have appreciation for the past and have spoken of her in a very positive manner.
Needless to say, your new world will be a better place if there is harmony with the world you left behind.
Dont overdo the public displays of affection with your girlfriend, and show genuine friendship and respect for your former wife.
Let them talk, if they are so inclined, but check in often enough so they dont talk too much about you.
If your girlfriend came on to the scene before your divorce or if she is younger than your daughter, this could complicate things a bit.
But remember this: Whatever the past may hold, it is your confident, straightforward and considerate handling of the introduction that will establish the basis for this important three-pronged relationship into the future.
This odd overlap of worlds was not designed by nature and is destined to be stressful and awkward if left to its own devices.
It is up to you to act as a skilled and diplomatic emissary to steer them away from dysfunction and toward a rational and harmonious coexistence.
About the Author: Cynthia Price is the managing editor of
DatingAdvice.com
, overseeing editorial content, social media engagement and media opportunities for the site. She holds a Bachelor of Science in Journalism from the University of Florida.
Source:
isnare.com
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